Braxton Hicks contractions.
Swollen, leaky, sore boobs.
Hating every non-pregnant woman.
...Hating everyone...in general.
And some people WANT this....
Come do something with me.
I just had one of the worst nights ever.
I had a major panic attack and then I had a long ass nightmare about not being able to remember going through labor but I had and Joshua was already gone and I couldn't find Andy. The hospitol people kept trying to keep me there and when I finally got out of the hospitol it was through a maze of caves and all I could hear was a baby crying
Fuck working today, fuck going to school tomorrow. Ugh.
I just want something to go fucking smooth for once.
And I want to stop hearing all of these terible fucking things people say about me.
I'm not even angry anymore. I'm just depresed.
Sometimes I wish I could just give the fuck up.
School starts september 5th??????
No one I'm going to live with goes to high school, it's going to be weird.
I'm getting round now.
I really want to stop working at J C Penney.
I hope I get the job I'm interviewing for in 45 minutes.
What if the apartment doesn't work out?
...Of what if I'm stupid to think that a teenage boy, at the prime of his life...wants to settle down with a pregnant 17 year old...
I hate these stupid emotions, I hate them, I fucking hate them.
I feel fucking crazy.
People keep on teling me different things so I don't even know which way is up...if I'm being productive or not...I don't know who's pissed at me and who's not.
And I'm so woried that my happiness is going to be taken away.
No...I'm not going to live in fear of this working out. That's the wrong way to go about life.
I just worry about losing people...
I always have.
Oh, fuck it. I don't even want today.
I want a vacation.
I need some advice.
I need to let someone down gently and not start any fights...but I need to tell her...well here's the truth:
YOU ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF ME!!!! You are too clingly and weird and ALL you talk about is your freakin boyfriend. We both have changed way too much and we're just not compatable as friends anymore.
But I don't know how to do that without starting anything. I'm going to have to live with her all next year at Putnam and I'm still going to be friends with her boyfriend, who was introduced to me through a differnt group of friends.
Am I being a total bitch here? I do fel bad because I know she has trouble making and keeping friends...she doesn't really have any outside of her boyfriend...but honestly you would think that someone who didn't ahve any friends would start to wonder..hmm....maybe it's ME and not them.
In other news I'm supposted to be on bedrest for a week but I CANNOT loose this job so I'm going tomorrow, hopefully I'll make it without throwing up, passing out, or cramping up.
I have to take these HUGE pills and they SUCK. I haaaaate them. But oh well, if it makes me and je bebe okay then I'll do anything.
well I'm off to buy pants for work cause all I have that fits me are jeans and they aren't allowed. :(
I hope everybody had a good weekend!
Oh and anybody who goes to Putnam still:
WTF TIME IS REGISTRATION ON THE 22ND???
I got hired at JC Penny!
Whoa. Today I was waiting for an interview at JC Penny and I got really sweaty and dizzy and my vision was all blurry and I almost passed out. Then I came home and slept for forever...I'm worried.
I'm soo freaking happy I have a doctor's appointment on Monday.